I’ve been to too many hospitals this year. 

My heart has been in my stomach too many times. 

My fight or flight response has been tricked into overdrive so many times that if someone pointed a gun at me I would probably just stand there. 

As I stand outside the hospital right now with rain pouring down my face, I can’t help but wonder how I got here. 

Is this real life? 

When I was a little girl, I played with my Aladdin and Jasmine Barbie dolls and always thought my life would be invincible; smooth sailing. “Oh that’ll never happen to me. That’ll never happen to my family.”

News flash little girl. It’s not and it did. Sorry. 

Yes, I know I’m being molded into some greater human; for some greater purpose. I just wish the good Lord would show me this purpose. This is intense. This is a lot. This is heartbreaking. 

As I still stand here in the rain, I am strong. As my mom and a very good friend who I saw today tell me, “the Lord won’t give you more than you can handle.” 

I hope you’re right.