It’s been over 2 weeks and my heart is still very heavy. 

July 20 is not a good day. This year it marked the 3 year anniversary of my best friends suicide, and then Chester Bennington of Linkin Park committed suicide. 

The day started off gloomy and has remained even to this day, for me. 

If you don’t know me, you don’t know why suicide has a profound impact in my life. It makes me think, long and hard. People think it’s stupid to mourn a celebrity, but I forgot what an impact Linkin Park had in my life in the early 2000’s. You listen to their songs and the lyrics are natural in your memory and the painful memories come back to you; as if Chester is singing for your angst. 

As someone who suffers from mental illness, suicide is always the devil in the back of your mind taunting you. “Do you have the balls?” Some days are worse than others. 

Those who commit suicide are not selfish. They are in pain. A pain that is more painful than any physical pain you can imagine. Physical pain is almost welcome. If you have never experienced the pain of mental illness, you can’t speak on behalf of an individual who is ill. 

No, Chester didn’t want to leave his family, his band, or his fans, but he had to. And I get it. No one should ever feel like that, but it’s an incurable epidemic-I don’t care what anyone says. I’m on all sorts of medicine and I still have my issues. There are still days I can’t get out of bed. 

A smile can hide everything. Know that. 

Kurt Cobain and Chester were voices of my childhood, and both died of suicide. I still mourn Kurt and will mourn Chester for as long as I need, because he is important. To me he is important. To many, he is important. 

Be there for those you love who suffer from ANY mental illness. They need you and your support. Even if it’s sitting in a room as they stare at a wall, just be there. Hold them when they cry. If you notice something off, go to them. You’re not a burden on them, they feel like a burden on you, so please go to them. DONT degrade them or dismiss their illness. You will make it worse. If you don’t care, get out of their life. 

Rest comfortably Chester and my Sherri. You both are at peace. ❤