Today I feel heavy. No, not because of my weight… although that’s a good reason to feel heavy. But because the brain is doing some crazy stuff today. Well, it does every day so what’s new really? Also, I ran out of my “upper” medicine, aka happy pills. Let’s all collectively cry.

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Okay, I guess I’m done crying now. I started this blog post at 7:30am and it’s now 2:30pm and my thoughts are everywhere. Oh, and I still haven’t called in to have my happy pills filled. Surprise surprise!

Events have popped up today that I didn’t know about that I should have known about. It makes me paranoid and anxious. If something bad happens, I don’t know what I am going to do. I honestly feel lost, or as I call myself- A Nobody. Everyday my brain tells me I’m a nobody and it’s funny how events during the day confirm what your brain tells you.

I want to go home and go to bed. I feel like I have no purpose anymore. Ugh, the brain is a powerful machine. It’s a mean machine. It’s an exhausting machine. I want to have purpose. I want to help the world. How do I even do that, you know?

This is how ADD my brain is. My insides feel like black scribble. I want to vomit up what I want to do with my life, but there’s a demon standing in front of me holding it in my mouth telling me I can’t do it, I don’t know how to do it, I’m a nobody, I’m not worth anything.

I would love to have a hug from Chester right now and have him tell me I’m worth it and I can do whatever I want in life. img_9047