Until it Sleeps by Metallica was actually written about James Hetfield’s mom who was dying of cancer at the time. However, the song relates to so much more than that. Instead of cancer, I put BPD in its place and it fits perfectly. Can I get an amen? *Other personality screams Hallelujah!*
“Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run, but it stays right by my side” <– I mean, can that be any more perfect? I don’t know about you, but when I’m having an episode, my fight or flight kicks in BAD. I will literally try and escape wherever I am. One time I left my house and cried and had a panic attack in a Wal-greens parking lot. Classy right? It literally lasted an hour. I ran, but the pain was still by my side.
This is exactly what it feels like:
“So tear me open, pour me out
There’s things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps” <– Except it doesn’t sleep. Do you ever get that feeling of wanting to literally scratch your insides open because the pain is too much? Your mental anguish causes you physical pain and you do anything to make your mind think of other things? YEAH. I feel ya. Everyday. That anxiety is in overdrive and your brain can’t keep up so your body is like OW THIS HURTS LET’S GET PHYSICAL!
“Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Now it stays”<– YUP. My past relationship brought my BPD out. I don’t know what event made it happen, but a switch flicked and the disorder was fed. My brain liked it. The brain still likes it. It loves it as a matter of fact. Hence, why my psychologist is worried about psychosis. *We’re fine really.*
I can literally analyze this whole song to fit borderline personality disorder. I’m sure if you have any other disorder you can tailor it to fit around yours as well. Metallica’s genius lyrics make this song super relatable in every aspect. It makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs and tear your shirt in half and throw things. Just…be safe okay? Don’t throw things at people. That’s bad mmmk.
On the plus side, this song makes me more productive at work- *shoulder shrug*