I’ve been punched in the chest. So hard that I’m falling down a cliff. A cliff that had a window at the top. A window that I was pushed through. As I fall, I should be grabbing for something, but I’m not. My insides are as smashed as the glass that I was thrown through. When your heart is turned into dust, are you still supposed to feel? When your brain has been taken over by demons, how do you fight them? Can you? Do you want to?

No.

When I land, the ground is hard. My eyes are vacant, but my mind is racing. When they find me, they wouldn’t know that though. They think I’m dead. I wish I was. Why aren’t I though? I feel nothing and I’m empty right? There’s nothing left but a vessel; a robot.

Why did I have to become like this? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?

Everything around me is moving in slow motion. And it’s not because I fell far. It’s because I feel nothing. My numbness is not due to an adrenaline rush, it’s literally because I am shattered. My soul is broken. My spirit is, well, what is that?

I’m dragged off on a gurney with my arms dangling off the sides. I’m going to die right? People are talking to me but I hear nothing. I don’t care what they are saying. I don’t care about anything.

The sun is bright. I close my eyes.

Bad idea.

I’m punched in the chest again. So hard that I’m falling down a building. A building with nothing at the top. Nothing and no one. Where did this punch come from? The truth of the matter is, I know, but do you? I’m sure you have a good guess.

My insides are still smashed and my heart is still dust and yet, I feel wetness coming from my right eye. What is this? Rain? No. A tear? A tear for him.

As I fall, the tear flies from my eye and hangs above me. It grows bigger and I see him within it. Reassurance. I feel a sense of peace- for a minute. And it’s only a minute. I reach for him and he smiles. When I touch the tear, it pops. Water gets in my face as I hit the ground.

This time I feel it. I feel it all. I don’t like it. Panic fills my eyes and everything is no longer in slow motion. I.MUST.RUN.

I escape the demon chains in my head and flee. I flee with both flight and fright. Where am I going? I don’t know. All I know is that I want to see him again.