Will I see him again?
I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. I can’t see it, but it stops me in my tracks. I can hear him all around me, but I can’t see him. I can always hear him. I know he wants me to be okay, but I’m not.
The wall starts to push me. I let it. It feels sharp. The pain feels nice. I feel something except sorrow and numbness. His voice starts to narrow in the distance. I hear him sing. I try and look but I see darkness.
I begin to resist the wall with my hands. It’s heavy. I start to bleed as my hands push against the invisible wall. It’s almost a gratifying sight. The wall stops and opens like a door. Inside is more darkness. I don’t hesitate-I just walk. I’m walking through a monotony of shadows. It never crosses my mind to wonder where I am.
I still hear him in the distance.
There is no distress in his voice. He sounds whole and fine.
For that, I’m glad.
I trust him. That’s why I continue to walk. Is it foolish of me?
Icy pellets of mystery begin to hit my face. I try to raise my arm to protect my face, but my arm won’t move. I try to stop walking, but I can’t.
I’m not alarmed.
My mind and body are separate at this point.
Demons control my mind and my body wants to get to him.
I don’t know what or who I am anymore. I am lost within myself.
I see a flicker of light. Next to it stands a shadow a recognize. Him.
He is whole and fine.
I begin to cry. The first time I’ve cried since they honored his memory. He doesn’t want me to cry.
He holds out his arm. His colorful arm. My body doesn’t hesitate and reaches for him. Our fingers touch.
An explosion of light.