The world is so cruel.


Someone like me connects better with individuals who are older than me and animals. My animals are my life. I have a cat. A handsome orange boy that lived in my room until I moved out. My main reason for moving into an apartment of my own was honestly, for him. So he could be free.

Not even a month into apartment life and our world is about to come crashing down.

He may have a tumor.

He’s only 10 years old. In people years that’s about 50. He’s not even a creepy old man yet.

It all began this weekend when he started vomiting. Not just any vomiting- he wouldn’t stop. Since I’ve worked at a vet clinic for 10 years and continue to work there on occasion, it takes a lot for me to get worried. After puke 30, off to the emergency vet we went.

Now remember, I’m an empath. So, I know something worse is going on. However, the emergency vet does symptomatic treatment until I can take him to my work the next day.

He didn’t puke anymore after the ER visit and I felt a bit hopeful, but I still felt that something was really wrong, so I took him up to my vet.

X-rays commenced and when I asked my friend and vet if he saw anything and he said, “hold on, let me finish looking at him quick,” I knew there was something. That’s the bad thing about knowing the body language and everyday language of those you work with. You know when it’s not good.

“His x-rays look suspicious as if something could be up in his upper abdomen, but we can’t be sure. You should bring him back tomorrow for repeat x-rays and we will do an ultrasound.”

-Fight the tears Brittany, don’t show weakness until you leave.-

I leave and just let it all out. I lost my other cat 3 days before I lost Chester for unknown reasons and I can’t lose this one. He’s my everything, my best friend, my rock.

This whole time I’m assuming he’s obstructed with a foreign object. I just don’t know what. He doesn’t eat anything that’s not his food, so it honestly doesn’t make sense.

I hear back from my Doctor and he’s done the ultrasound. He proceeds to tell me that he thinks it could be a mass.

I literally yelled “mass?!” so loud in my marketing department that my desk mate, bless her heart, came rolling right over.

I did not expect that as an issue at all. I’ve been in the vet field for 10 years and was so hooked up and terrified of an obstruction that I was completely blindsided by a mass.

So here we are. This morning I am to take him up to my clinic and have another set of x-rays done and see if anything has changed. If not, I guess an exploratory surgery is going to happen. If the mass is big and has metastasized, then I’m going to probably euthanize him on the table. No animal deserves to wake up from a traumatizing surgery like that to live through cancer because I can’t say goodbye to them.

I’m praying for a miracle. I don’t want to come home alone tonight.

He’s helped me through so many losses; especially Chester and the loss of his sister. He told me when she died. I heard him meowing behind my door SO LOUD. Initially I thought it was because he was hungry, but these meows were a little different. I opened the door to my room and there he was sitting right in front of her crying. She laid on my floor, unmoving, already in rigor. He stayed with her until I could take her to work and get her properly taken care of.

I’ll never have a cat like him again. I need him to be okay and come back home with me tonight.

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